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[02 Nov 2009|03:36pm] |
i'm definitely running with scissors...
a steak knife, chainsaw, nails, an ax, razor blades and broken glass.
unfortunately, i probably will not stop until i've poked an eye out.
and even then, will i finally learn my lesson?
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| a birthday miracle |
[28 Oct 2009|01:54pm] |
last night, we saw a baby tree on the sidewalk.
uprooted and helpless... those poor little branches would have drowned in the street on this rainy day.
with the sweetest look in your eyes, you asked "can we still save him?"
you have the biggest heart. you always let me hold your hand...
i guess we're just a couple of heroes.
last night, we saved a baby tree from the sidewalk.
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[04 Aug 2009|12:23am] |
i'll never forget the day where eating french toast for dinner broke my heart.
either my nightstand is running away from my bed, or i'm slowly inching closer toward the open window on the other side of my bedroom.
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[28 Jul 2009|01:19am] |
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day five: ....like the deserts miss the rain.
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[27 Jul 2009|10:32am] |
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day four: time flies when you're chewing gum.
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[25 Jul 2009|08:38pm] |
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day three: ...so, a man walks into a bar wearing quite a long face. he sits down and waits for the bartender to notice the five dollar bill he was dangling from his fingers when he walked in. the bartender comes over and asks "so buddy, what're ya havin'?" the bartender was a tall man, say 6'2" maybe even 6'4". handsome too, even though he was probably in his late fifties, you could tell he was a ladies man in his hayday. "i'll take your cheapest draft," the guy says to the bartender without looking up, and grumpily tosses the bill across the smooth surface of the faux-granite bar. the bartender pours the man a beer from the tap, and tucks his money away in the cash drawer. he returned to the man with his $2.75 change, and noticed just how upset the poor man looked. so the bartender says "say pal, why so glum?" the man, still looking down at his flat, yellowish beverage reached into his pocket, pulled out a rather outdated semi-automatic walther p99 pistol, and shot the bartender in the face.
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[24 Jul 2009|08:45pm] |
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day two: ...and the moral of the story is; hare today, goon tomorrow.
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[23 Jul 2009|07:30pm] |
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day one: totally bearable; although not full-heartedly enjoyable.
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[06 Jul 2009|11:12am] |
the reason you don't have friends is because you don't make any effort to hang out with anyone ever.
and now that you finally want us around, we're over it.
you should get over it too.
livejournal 2009, still being forever vague.
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[10 Jun 2009|01:21am] |
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buggin'
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| so long silencio |
[24 Apr 2009|12:25am] |
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on second thought... i think i'll pass this time. i've come too far to sink so low. why bother? why even waste a glance on the past if you can't stand up straight and stare into its fucking face. i've become completely unable to control my thoughts and my actions lately- i don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. it feels like i've been looking at things with someone else's eyeballs in my head. its so bright outside but the sun isn't radiating a single heat wave onto this earth. if i could float right up to the sun and take it in my hands i'd blister and burn and bask in all of its smoking, scorching, spitting glory. and i'd hold it tight until it evaporated into nothing on my fingertips, and i'd smile and laugh- fighting back tears. but there are stones in my shoes, weighing me down through the crust of this tangible earth... and there isn't a single thing that i can do now, except to leave my footwear behind.
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[11 Mar 2009|08:33pm] |
now i remember why i stopped eating meat....
i don't care what anyone says, cheesesteaks in philadelphia are NOT any better than any steak and cheese you can get in massachusetts.
the steak and veggies were already cooked, and they just pushed it onto the grill for like five seconds, and didn't even let the cheese melt.
ugh, i could out-steak philly any goddamn day.
now i'm gonna go throw up out of my butt for the rest of my life.
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| dear massachusetts.... |
[07 Mar 2009|11:39pm] |
if you need me, i will be off proving that even the perpetually indebted dregs of society can scrap together a getaway in hopes of regaining the sanity that has been lost over the past 9 weeks of academic torture.
my hopes are not high, so that i won't be let down if this is terrible.
see you friday the 13th.
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[27 Feb 2009|11:08pm] |
my life is starting to fall apart and all i want is to talk to my best friend...
and i haven't been able to find her for three weeks.
i'd write how i feel but i don't have the guts to read it back to myself.
i would get sick.
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| sick |
[20 Feb 2009|11:02pm] |
i feel like i've been sleepwalking for the past few days. everything around me is quick and blurry, i just can't get my eyes to focus on it all right. i'm counting down the days until we're driving away from this place, i can see the stink wiggles of this city rising up in my rear view mirror already.
snow on sunday? i'll pass. i'll just stay in bed until it stops.
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[17 Feb 2009|09:16pm] |
to sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark, dock,
in a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock.
awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock...
from a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block.
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| 12:41 AM |
[30 Jan 2009|01:05am] |
i should be sleeping, because i have to wake up for class in a few hours. i just can't sleep.
i can't sink these compulsive and terrible thoughts that are fighting their way to the surface of my mind.
i just close my eyes but sleep won't come. it's unhealthy, it isn't right.
its been years, this shouldn't upset me still. its a serious serious problem.
my eyes have been cross and so has my temper. i really wish it was summer, i would love to walk around ( barefoot ) without losing too much heat.
i've been biting pills lately. instead of swallowing them whole i can't help but sink my teeth into a nice capsule.
i don't know what that means, or even if it means anything... but i bet its some kind of nervous habit.
i am just perpetually, unbelievably nervous.
today a man won $1,000 on a scratch ticket while i was in the store.
the man bought everyone in the store a scratch ticket but i didn't win.
i tried to tell him that i have awful luck but he just wouldn't listen.
he was awful upset when i lost.
i bought one can of coke, one can of grape fanta and a bag of fruit flavored runts.
this reminds me that we're planning a trip to atlantic city.
bu no means do i have the resources to gamble money, or take a vacation even at that..
i just really, really need one already.
tonight when we were both watching tv and pretending to be ignoring one another, i was watching you out of the corner of my eye.
you know how impeccable my peripherals are. yours aren't too bad, and i could tell you were watching me too.
i think that might be one of the reasons i love you so much.
i feel like i'm getting really nostalgic in 2009. i had to wait fifteen minutes for a funeral procession to pass me today and all i could do was think about mexico and how fucked up this all really is. when i drive to school i like to talk to you because i get so lonely in the car and noone is awake for me to call so early in the morning. a lot of things remind me of you. mostly when i hear the word death, honestly.
now that i know what ebay is, i can't stop buying stuff.
i can't stand having money i just wish i could lock it and eat the key to the lock.
one of the most embarassing things to do is watch the episode of home improvement where jill and tim sing "i've got you babe" by sonny and cher.
it is so devastatingly mortifying i can barely even stand to watch it.
i'm reading the spanish tragedy by thomas kyd for elizabethan and jacobean drama and i hate it so much that it almost makes me appreciate my boring nineteenth century u.s. literature class where everyone in the room knows more than the professor and our most challenging works are emily dickinson and walt whitman.
i'm still applying for salary jobs but no luck. we've been looking at puppies lately and the only thing i want right now is puppy kisses.
i want to be sweating hot soon. your icy eyes can still cool me off.
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[28 Jan 2009|06:42am] |
6:40am; and i learn that school being cancelled is still one of the best feelings in the world.
6:40am; and i am reminded that when i'm excited... i can't fall back asleep.
a whole day to myself, what's a girl to do?!
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[20 Jan 2009|09:14am] |
i keep having the most terrible dreams. awful things happening to people i love, and i'm usually the one doing the awful things.
i haven't slept like this in years. i always have trouble sleeping, but the nightmares have stopped for the most part. now they're back?
i don't know what this means. winter is thrusting its bone cold finger tips up my shirt and copping the worst kind of feel. i hate this season more than anything. snow is not beautiful, it is not pure. it doesn't do anything good for anyone. for once my love life is taking off with great sails and moving gracefully toward the horizon, not just treading water or staying half afloat. this is an accomplishment i can't even say i'm proud of because i don't know how you put up with me this long. two years is a long time, celebrations are lame but i think this deserves some kind of vacation. a get away sounds like something i could definately use right now. i'm working on finding a new job. a real adult job too. i've been applying for salary positions. its really weird, i feel like i should be getting ready for something. i just don't know what that something is yet. maybe my future? but what is my future going to be? i just don't know. this is what i wonder to myself everyday and when i reach this point i always just give up thinking and block it out. i'm tried, i'm tired. i'm giving up or i'm just giving. i'm just .
?
i feel two gears turning. one clockwise and one counterclockwise.
but nothing can be put in motion when two gears are trying to move you in opposing directions.
how can something move forward and backward at the same time?
i don't know, but thats what i'm doing. making progress in some areas and losing all i've built up in others.
this doesn't make any sense.
i just don't know where to go now.
WHERE DO I GO NOW?
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[11 Jan 2009|11:36am] |
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so far in 2009, with its ups and downs, i've realized the full capacity of my emotions.
i think so far, in these past 11 days i've somehow felt more than i have in almost 21 years.
now that i know what i'm capable of, i don't know if i should be scared or proud.
either way, all i know for sure is that if it snows again anytime soon i'm going to have a fucking heart attack.
i'm such a weather worry wort.
this morning i woke up to a tiny cold, wet, puppy dog licking my face.
i really miss having a small puppy around.
as of this month, i finally have my outstanding credit card debt paid off and i can't even express how amazing it feels to log onto bank of america.com and see $0.00 in my credit account.
this year could be alright, i mean, i guess every year has its potential.
but somehow, every year just really fucks its potential up.
i hope this one doesn't.
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